?

Log in

Previous 10

Aug. 7th, 2012

gasmask

Feeling a bit of virtual nostalgia.

Wow...my last "post" was a twitter update from 2010.
It's been a while.

Last year, or the year before, I held a sort of "Internet Liberation Day", where I had a bunch of friends and I go around the interwebs and delete our history. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of this.
There's really just too much of me here. There's a lot of pain here, a lot of happiness. This is the journal of my "youth" that I always wished I had. Something to go back and read so I don't forget.
I never had much use for the history of others, and I don't like to live in the past, but sometimes, I just feel this need to sit back and look at what I did right and where I went wrong.

The way my brain works, I've never really been able to focus on anything. I leave a lot of great ideas flapping in the wind. I've always sort of "needed" a journal just to keep track of where I've been, what I thought and where I may have intended to go.

I still don't know any of that. Right now, my life feels more detached than it has in too long. I'm scared, I'm excited, but I'm getting old....honestly, I have to be realistic. This can't keep happening. I need a foothold. I need a focus. I need TO focus. That ability. The very thing that is my worst enemy, yet also my greatest tool.

My brain, mind, is always in flux. I think of so many things, sometimes all at once, things that may never come to most, and it's great, but if I can't focus on any of those amazing things to do anything about or with them, it's fucking useless.

I think I'm finally ready to through caution to the wind and go talk to a brain doc and get me some focus drugs and see how things work out.
Even if only for a little while, just to get myself on the right track, just to be able to point the gun, pull the trigger, and ride that bullet to whatever target I aim at.

I can be so much more.

Jul. 14th, 2010

gasmask

(no subject)

7W337Z0RZ!!


  • 12:57 Damn you coffee...WORK!!! #

And how!
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Jul. 8th, 2010

gasmask

(no subject)

7W337Z0RZ!!


  • 17:50 At new job! Yay! #

And how!
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Jul. 1st, 2010

gasmask

(no subject)

7W337Z0RZ!!

And how!
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Jun. 29th, 2010

gasmask

(no subject)

7W337Z0RZ!!

And how!
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Jun. 25th, 2010

gasmask

(no subject)

7W337Z0RZ!!

And how!
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Jun. 14th, 2010

gasmask

(no subject)

7W337Z0RZ!!

And how!
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Jun. 13th, 2010

gasmask

(no subject)

7W337Z0RZ!!


  • 22:33 Q:If you could go back and erase the very worst moments ... A:No. My friends have been the most important thing in m... 4ms.me/cDLyDb #

And how!
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Jun. 10th, 2010

gasmask

(no subject)

7W337Z0RZ!!

  • 15:07 Q:What is wrong with you? A:I wish I knew. My life might have turned out a lot different. 4ms.me/d4m3YM #
  • 20:22 Q:What is the one delusion you can't get rid of? Somethi... A:That I'm destined to do something really important bef... 4ms.me/bHfilZ #
And how!
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Jun. 8th, 2010

gasmask

(no subject)

7W337Z0RZ!!

And how!
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Previous 10